ballet of the damned

I am in so much trouble, and it’s not even remotely fair. It’s clear that no matter how much the Leffoys pretend that we’re all one big family and the great take care of the small, it’s not really true, though I doubt that it would have been like this when Don Ercole was in charge of things—everyone says he had a sense of proportion. If you want to be free to do and say what you want, to anyone you want, and you’re not her, or her lover, then be her son—or Nicodemo’s brother.

Magistra Gallinaro is furious. Rodrigo is furious, too. How could I be so stupid? Don’t I know who they are? Well I do, but I also know that the Company would have fallen two months ago without Valeria, everyone says so, and Alessio would be dead. The Fascisti should have cut both of them off and then he wouldn’t be able to run away when things get too serious.

If he doesn’t want to marry her that’s fine. She deserves better anyway.

I really, really fucking hate Alessio right now. And pretty pretty Doctor Magister Leffoy. Who couldn’t handle the fighting in Iberia and didn’t have the pretty pretty balls to go back to Toscana with the rest of them because his pretty pretty mind broke just like a rotten egg when he saw what his rotten Church really stands for.

I’m not too happy with Lady Leffoy right now either.

What idiot made up these timetables? I have to choose between Defence and Housewitchery! I can’t believe it. What, do they think that girls who like to fight don’t like to throw parties? I don’t understand it at all. Well, Melly will take Housewitchery and maybe Miss Polly will let me come in during break and supper. I love Defence, and I’m better at it than lots of the boys, and since I’m going to join the Company, it isn’t optional. I know Melly’s parents would help me find a husband if I wanted, but I have a man.

Anton is as big a fool as ever and they’ve got him set up with Dimity Ducas, which I think is a horrible mistake, but I know it’s because of the scandal with Melina and the scandal with me, so I feel a little responsible. Somehow I’ve got to do something about it—I don’t know what! Rodrigo says I shouldn’t blame myself for this but he would say that, he’s a sweetheart.

Livy and Ed aren’t allowed to go to town. A lot of people aren’t. I don’t suppose we would be either if Melly hadn’t convinced her parents that Caroline and Jeremy completely misled us about the party at Ramsden’s. That was easy to do because Jeremy didn’t have pants or trousers when they caught him. (And I’ve got Yegor Kiryakov’s shoes.) Poor Rachel’s engaged now because of that party, her parents made her wear a babushka when she got on the train. She says she doesn’t mind though, and I suppose she doesn’t on account of it’s Goldstein they want her to marry.

There was a new girl sorted into our house today. She has a good name: Popescu.

I’m just glad Bella’s all right. Jamie was worried. I’ll have to write him when I get a chance.